Oh, you never fail to amaze and delight me. Of all the backstories I could have considered for Lightning, all of the epic beginnings, the mighty awakenings - part-time travel agent was amazingly not on the list.

In other news, I have 2/3 of a term paper. I think I might actually make deadline. I am probably going to quote Patton Oswalt's At Midnight I Will Kill George Lucas With a Shovel in my closing argument.

Ugh. It was as bad as I remembered. God, I gotta wash the taste of that out of my brain.

Probably my favorite bit part of all time was Edward Norton playing Baldwin IV in "Kingdom of Heaven." Every minute he was on screen was just dynamic, even more astonishing with him playing behind a full face mask. If only the entire movie had been as good as his performance.

So I meant to Netflix - dear god - Revenge of the Sith, as I wanted to cross-check it with Hamlet to break down just why it sucks so very, very badly.

Yes this is all for my paper. No, seriously.

Unfortunately, I rented Episode Two instead. So on top of the embarrassment of actually having to pay attention to the third movie, I've got this second one sitting here staring back at me, and I realize that Hamlet, complete, is four hours long so I might as well watch Two and Three and analyze them both...

But it's only NOT the worst movie ever made by the fact that League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is the worst movie ever made.

Oh man. Anakin's craptacular emo slaughter of the Tusken Raiders is going to leave me fleeing for the hills. ALL HAIL SCENE SELECTION.

hot chocolate + scoop of vanilla ice cream + shot or so of butterscotch schnapps

Yum.

Hello.

So I'm doing my final report for class on Shakespeare and pop culture, specifically the elements of Shakespeare that writers should take note of when attempting to create complex characters and storylines.

Basically, if you can think of any good video game, comic book, anime, sci-fi or fantasy Heroes, Villains and Fools, I've got a few but I know for every one I think of I'm overlooking at least three greats.

Also, Pyramid Head doesn't count. I'm looking for less 'brown trousers at the sight of him' and more the mindfuck type, like the Dark Knight's Joker. Also on that list are Darcy Parker from Strangers in Paradise and GlaDos from Portal. I'll also take some "not villains if you look at them the right way" villains. Actually those are my favorite kind.

So far, for heroes I've got people like Malcolm Reynolds (one of my all-time favorite heroes) and Mitchell Hundred (Ex Machina). For fools, I've got Han Solo, Deadpool and Travis Touchdown (there's an argument for him in the heroes category, but I'm going with 'heroic fool' for the moment.)

I don't expect my prof to care much about this section one way or another, this is simply my nerd cred demanding its due.

EDIT: No, Sephiroth isn't a villain. Really, he's as much of a puppet as Cloud ever was. Kuja, however, is a nice tragic villain.

Thank you very much for the cookie cheer, velithya and sprat. I'm up to my elbows in broken game systems and dangerously due term papers and miserably cold weather. Your kind thoughts really helped with the day. : )

PS3 has stopped reading any PS3 games. It still lets me watch "Pride and Prejudice" but gives me the finger for AC2 and the Netflix disc.

So there's some dust, perhaps, on the Blu Ray lens. I am concerned that any of my attempts to solve this problem will end in fragging the machine. The manual suggests gently vacuuming the dust out. I think this sounds bonkers.

Anybody else ever have this problem? If I take it to, say, the Geek Squad at Best Buy and they frag my machine, do we solve things with pistols at dawn in the parking lot?

I just want Ezio back. We were just about to go stab people... again. I have the feeling it was all about to go horribly wrong... again.

Also, concerning Play magazine - this month's issue was actually good. A lot of the reviews were surprisingly complex and thoughtful studies of the games. So, I dunno.

"Tiger Woods' role model status in question"

Dear Tiger Woods:

I don't care what you did. I don't even know what you did - I see your name in a headline and I don't even read on.

You play golf. Really, astonishingly well. Sometimes you sell shoes and watches. I don't know why this somehow gives me the right to study and discuss all the intimate details of your personal life - I really don't think it does.

So yeah, whatever it is you're dealing with, I just want you to know that there's at least one person in 500 million Americans who is going to actively not give a shit about things you do that are not playing golf well. Because it's none of my fucking business.

Is Lonliness Contagious?

Um. Ummmmm. Anyone else seeing a big problem with the use of the word "lonliness" in this context?

(Also, I'd like to point out, much like fat people and especially depression, for god's sake, creating the context and dialogue of a 'social disease' with these issues IS PROBABLY NOT THE PATTERN THAT WILL SERVE YOU WELL OVER TIME.)

I mean seriously, at least at Abstergo they let him take bathroom breaks. Let's not even get into the increased technical support.

Ezio: AAH!
That sarcastic British tech: EZIO. YES. THIS IS THE VOICE OF GOD.
Girl: That's not funny. Okay it's sort of funny.
Lucy: Can we not make him completely bonkers until I've at least seen him naked a couple of times?

Also, a comment ( for anyone who's past the bits with the first codex pages )

Cut off a quarter of my nail and a good part of my fingertip on my middle finger of the left hand.

Officially claiming my first mighty kitchen wound.

Ouchie.

Luckily, this is not a finger I need for the 'assassinate,' 'talk,' 'accidentally pilfer' or 'No, Ezio, you can't jump like that WHAT THE HELL ok start the level over' buttons.

Number of prostitutes accidentally punched: 1

Number of times Ezio accidentally stabbed mom: 1

Number of times Ezio accidentally pickpocketed a guard in front of another guard: 1

Sudden leaps off of top of very high building onto hard Italian streets: 4

The problem with Dragon Age is sort of like the 'uncanny valley' effect in animation. The characterization/dialogue is so interesting and realistic in some places that when they drop the ball in other places, it really feels off.

This is the reason I prefer story-based RPG's to more random MMORPGer type stuff. I want to be emotionally engaged with the characters and go with them on a complete story, where all the appropriate responses and action beats are filled in because I don't have all these superfluous 'choices' getting in the way.

Stuff like Dragon Age just doesn't have the processing power to deal with every single choice they offer the player, so basically it's a lot of 'choices' that don't add up to much difference in the final tally, and a couple of times where I'm expecting some kind of emotional beat, only to end up facing a wall of "character has obviously not been programmed to have response to this scenario, even though it makes logical sense this would be where they should say something."

So yes, when we're on the PS9, I'll probably be into these sort of games more. As it stands, even though I do like it a lot more than when I started, this game is pretty much writing checks it just can't cash.

EDIT: Let's also talk about reciprocity, because I still haven't found a game in which you're supposed to 'befriend' NPC's that gets it quite right. Usually you spend all your time helping other people with their problems, but nobody ever asks how you're doing, if everything's all right. This is ok for most of the game, but in crisis moments where your character is in a bad spot, it feels glaringly wrong when none of these characters you've slowly built 'friendships' with feels any need to make sure you're ok. It felt wrong in P4, and it feels wrong here.

Giant Thor Annual?

Straczynski, that was off sides.

I'm not usually one for lists, because I think trying to compare certain awesome things to find the 'best' is like comparing apples and oranges. Can we really compare The Shawshank Redemption to Brazil on any logical metric that can make one 'better'? Not really.

Still, every once in a while I find myself hearing a song and thinking - my god, it really is the perfect song. The absolute most perfect song. It is just the best song that any song could ever possibly be.

I've only got about four of these. I'm pretty sure there's a Bob Marley song that will show up eventually as five, I'm just not sure what it is. And The Knife's "We Share Our Mother's Health" is definitely on the short list of contenders. As is Amon Tobin, probably for "The Lighthouse" Leonard Cohen is also there, but picking between "Hallelujah" and "Famous Blue Raincoat" is damn hard. Actually Cohen may end up with two or three. And Radiohead. Possibly for 'Lucky.'

I'm not much of a jazz or country listener, so I'm ill equipped to judge for those genres, but here, so far, are four songs I think are absolutely perfect.

Tori Amos - Bells for Her (album version) - The album version is played on a gutted piano and I think it really makes the song. Tori Amos is one of the first artists who really opened that whole emotional universe that is creating art to me and showed me what it's capable of. My goal in life is to create anything that can make someone feel the way this song makes me feel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=norpjDBSGo0

Daft Punk - Prime Time of Your Life/Brainwasher/Rollin' and Scratchin'/Alive - I have had this album on my iPod for two years, and I never, ever get tired of it. Out of such a phenomenal album, this song is by far the best dance song I have ever, ever heard. I love the way it builds and builds and then just explodes. The crowd noise in the background is an integral part of it, too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW4KMxanGpQ

Dave Brubeck - Take Five - Is there a more mellow, cooler piece of music in existence?

Carmen - Habanera - Everyone uses it everywhere because it is good for everything all the time.

So, do you have any perfect songs? Be specific. What is it about this song that first kicked you in the heart?

Ok we need to retitle Draw and Paint Fantasy Females something more accurate, like "Draw and Paint Women in Fur and Chainmail With Permanent Porn Face."

I like cheesecake just fine, and I appreciate that women of fantasy are women of fantasy and not necessarily mine, but every time I see this book in the store all I can think of is that bit from Orgazmo with the porn star with the most excellent horrible line delivery. "Oh... yes! I am so... badly wanting... it!"

"Chef Paula Deen accidentally hit by charity ham"

Extra headline zen: "Michelle Obama orders thigh-high French boots"

Who wants pictures of the boots? I do. I do.

What teamwork looks like in Dragon Age:

"Oh man. Somebody's going to have to go in there and lure that thing out."

Morrigan: Alistair
Alistair: Zevran
Zevran: Dog
Dog: GRR!

The dog is pretty amazing. I still have a couple of quibbles about this game, including one rather major WTF moment that I'm still waiting around to see if maybe it's a timing glitch or a plot point I can't yet access. Still, it's grown on me a bit.

You can go a long way toward saving a standard plot with a few fun characters.

Hey remember that game you played? With the rooftop leaping and the stabbing and the wandering and the awesomeness? Remember how much you liked that game?

Yeah, ok. So how'd you like to play that game, in another place, and everything is just a little bit better and more interesting? With more awesome stuff. Yeah? Ok. Let's do that.

So far, so extremely fucking awesome. : D

(Oh Desmond, you are so going to crazytown. Did you notice? It's the actual plan.)

I know I said it was all AC2 all the time up in here, but I got my ass handed to me by the damn mages tower quest and it was annoying the crap out of me all week and I was determined to get in there and grind through it purely to prove that I could. Grr.

Also, despite lingering 'meh,' I'll pretty much play anything or watch anything or read anything if there's a character in it that I really, really like. And I really really like Alistair. He's just such an adorable woobie for this sort of game. It's like they completely ran out of GrimDark!!! at the RPG mill and just hoped if they slapped some armor on him, no one would notice.

So then like five minutes after I successfully circumcised the felch monster (read your Nextwave trades, boys and girls) I run into Gay! Spanish! Legolas!

Yes. ( Highlights. )